Five Easy Fixes

When cycling, especially over long distances, mechanical misfortune can strike at any time. It is always good to be prepared, but of course it is just not possible to be prepared for all eventualities.

Here are five of The Wattmeister’s favourite (patented) fixes for those rare occurrences that require more than just a spare tube or a puncture patch.

  1. Coarse nose hair, or the finer ear variety mashed into a paste with spittle or/and bogey is a very satisfying way to spend a few minutes in preparing a quick setting adhesive for just about anything. Please don’t enjoy the addictive experience too much.
  2. If the pawl spring on your freehub body breaks, (apologies for being technical), resulting in lack of rear wheel drive, it is quite a simple trick to replace using the metal wire from a dental brace.
  3. In the event of a fire igniting on your bicycle, please do not attempt to extinguish it using energy drink from a bidon, or even a bidet if you have one handy. This will only intensify the inferno.  No, the best method to douse the flames is to smother them with hundreds of the new rubbery £5 notes ….and cry.
  4. It is not a bad idea to wear an underwired bra at all times….men included (it’s rather good fun to be honest). The reason for this is that in the event of spoke breakage, the wire can be used to fashion a makeshift replacement in order to ‘true’ the wheel.
  5. Finally, always remember to take a pump and spare inner tubes. Even if you can’t fix the problem yourself, a Wattmeister might come trundling past and offer to help you.                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Spread the love

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