The Green Flytipper

Close your eyes, take a deep breath and imagine a quintessential English country lane in summer. For the Wattmeister, this wayfare might be  bordered by a tapestry of colourful wild flowers, perhaps lined for some of its length by lush hedgerows. The gravelly tarmac will be dappled with sunlight….and give the impression that it is leading you to a bucolic paradise.

Now open your eyes, some f*cker has driven out into the countryside and shattered the idyll by jettisoning a load of grotty, stained mattresses into a tiny layby. Walk, or ride on a bit further, and a culturally challenged wastrel has dumped hundredweights of bricks, concrete and debris into a convenient (for them) clearing. Finally, a few hundred yards on, the collection is completed by an ugly assembly of unwanted wood, timber and mdf.

And this is only one country lane of so many.

This morning on the weekly club ride, we witnessed examples of this insidious, anti-social behaviour in High Canons, Shenley…. Cherry Tree Lane, Cupids Green and Beechtree Lane, Potters Crouch…..barely a mile separates all three.

Sarcasm was rife: “Yeah,” said James. “lovely summer’s night for a drive in the country,  I thought I’d get rid of me old mattresses….work of art really….an installation…..should be in the Tate.”


“Nah, ” replied Pete, “that’s just messy, have a butcher’s a my specialty… bricks and concrete…Rachel Whiteread eat your heart out”


“Apologies gents, I’m afraid you are both trumped”,  (see what I did?), ” you are guilty of un-environmentally friendly actions….you DROVE out here in your polluting vehicles, whilst I loaded my bicycle trailer with all this unwanted timber shit and CYCLED it out to this pristine corner of Hertfordshire…..take my business card…www,”  said The Wattmeister.


But of course, this problem is no joke, it’s a shameful, heartbreaking disgrace which seems to be more prevalent than ever.

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